I’m tired. I guess that’s part of growing up, of being an adult and taking on responsibilities. As part of this maturation process, we find more and more to do. Ways to make money. Ways to self-improve. Ways to give generously of our time, such as serving and helping our friends.

I don’t begrudge any of the time I spend on these things, provided I spent it well and acquit myself well. In all things I do, I try to be the very best person I can be.

It’s exhausting.

Seriously pursuing a stoic life requires constant vigilance. Everything that I do, everything that happens to me, everything I experience… It all must be constantly analysed so I can see what the ‘right’ reaction is. Sometimes I must let things pass me by. Sometimes I must work harder.

In all cases, I’m trying. I’m putting in a lot of effort. It wears me out. There are times when it’s probably easier to sit at home and do nothing. There are times when I honestly would rather do the selfish thing. It’s one thing to take care of myself, but there are times when I don’t need to. I have the energy and the time, but I’d rather play computer games, or read a book, or watch a movie.

It’s a difficult distinction to make, I’ve found. I need to really analyse how I feel. There are times when I desperately want to lie down and rest. It’s a feeling I’m trying to really understand, because it’s an important sign that I’m running out of energy.

Self-care is important because (and I can’t recall the source of this) you cannot serve from an empty plate. To be sure, self-care is not about binging Netflix for an entire day, or getting blind drunk to numb all feeling. It’s about doing things that nourish and energise your soul.

Okay, so maybe this is a slightly mystical way of looking at it, but the soul is a part of us that I find hard to define, yet easy to feel. Feeling tired in the soul is different to feeling mentally worn out, or physically exhausted. It’s a much greater weariness that gnaws at the core of my being.

I’m getting better at recognising this, at understanding when I need to step back. I have to recognise my limitations. When my soul feels exhausted and frayed, I need to take some time to truly care for myself.

Blogging is part of this. It’s a way of expressing what I feel, of putting my thoughts into words and getting them out of my head once in a while. We all need some kind of expressive outlet, and this is one of the ways I perform self-care.

Today, I’m tired. I’m doing my best to rest. Wherever you are, I invite you to take a moment to analyse yourself. How is your soul feeling? You can be bone-tired or mentally drained but still have a font of energy deeper within, which can keep you going. You can also be entirely refreshed physically and mentally, but without self-care, you’ll be frozen, immobile, impotent and of no good to anyone.

Take care of yourself. How’s your soul feeling?


[Image by DarkWorkX on Pixabay]