A year ago, there was an ending.
It was the end of a five month relationship. The mutual agreement on this made it no less difficult, and yet, I can only find most every aspect of that relationship to be happy.
Most of all, I discovered how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve learned… and how much I’ve healed.
Though it was a comparatively brief time in my life, it left a big impact on me.
I handled things fairly well, I’d like to think. What’s more, I was able to recognise how much I personally had improved.
Personal improvement is one of the most difficult things in life to measure. It’s something other people can only advise you on if they’ve known you for a long time. It takes a profound understanding of one’s weaknesses and flaws, and it’s a process that ought to be lifelong.
As with so many things in life, we have to really want it. We have to choose to get better. We need to let ourselves change.
It’s easy to get used to the way your life is, to be afraid of change. Even good change can be scary because it’s unfamiliar. For the longest time I was content to live life with less. I was happy to be sad, so to speak.
Healing is a painful process. Just as a festering wound needs to be cleaned before one can recover, so too I discovered that I have to clear out the negativity, the cobwebs and the pain if I want to be cured, if I want to be happy.
But I had to want it first. Old pain has a certain comfortable familiarity. Battling with old demons felt normal. It was what I knew.
In the end, there is no reward without risk. Choosing to heal does not mean there will never be hurt again. But as Seneca once wrote, “constant exposure to dangers breeds contempt for them.” In facing these risks again and again, they’ll lose their power over me.
Many wounds leave scars, but I consider this a mark of where I’ve been, and what I’ve done. I’m grateful not only for what I’ve gained, but also for what I’ve lost. Wounds are lessons given, and scars are lessons learned. I’m grateful for the constant opportunity to heal, and learn from it.
Image by congerdesign from Pixabay