Despite the growth I’ve made in my life, and the better person I believe I have become, I find myself constantly concerned with the opinions of others.
None of us could consider ourselves perfect, though there’s no denying that many of us are caught in a daily struggle to be. When I fail, or rather ‘don’t quite succeed’, I wonder how this will affect my reputation, the way people talk about me.
When I’m late getting somewhere, for example, so can only wonder how this will change how people think about my personal reliability. Will I have a reputation for being late all the time? Will people now think they can’t count on me? Will they assume I’ll always be late in future?
Meaningless questions, all things considered. I have only to think about my own reaction in such a situation to get an idea of how others think about me. Most people I know don’t let themselves be easily bothered by such things. Being late is such a small thing.
Recently, though, I’ve had my own ability in driving a car called into question. When an accident happens where the other driver is at fault, we first tend to speak of how unlucky the victim is. When calling to mind the one responsible for the accident, we are ready to pounce on them with all manner of questions.
Why did they do it? Were they distracted? Have they had accidents before? How much damage did it cause? On and on and on, until one might ask how they’re feeling or say “well, at least no one was hurt” (should that be the case), or “these things happen”, as one shouldn’t heap too much blame on themselves.
Such an accident is a humbling experience. It has reminded me of my fragility, my flaws, and of course of the chaotic unpredictability of life. It doesn’t make me a bad person. Rather, it puts me in my place.
I honestly struggled to get this blog post out, hence the delay in getting anything on my site, yet slowly but surely I’m working out how to get back into my writing. I’ve had a lot to think about lately, but I’ll be writing again soon.